I'm attractive, I compliment girls, and I have some killer pick-up lines, but no one wants to date me.  What am I doing wrong?

I’m attractive, I compliment girls, and I have some killer pick-up lines, but no one wants to date me. What am I doing wrong?

I’ve been reading your columns for a while and found it interesting how differently people struggle with sex and dating. While I feel like this is good to know, overall I have a big fat zero experience of relationships. I feel like I know a lot about dating but I just can’t put it into reality. I’ve read a lot of books, listened to podcasts, but no one wants to date me. I’ve tried talking to girls in the pub but they walk away or say they’re coming back but then never. I have friends that I date as a group and they always manage to score with girls. I find myself attractive but it doesn’t seem to be working and I’m just so frustrated. What else do I have to do? I compliment girls, and I have some killer pick-up lines, but it doesn’t work the way the sex leaders say it does. I would like to give up because I’m always so annoyed at the end of a night, but then I can’t give up because I want to be in a relationship so badly. What am I doing that I’m not already doing? I should have had many relationships by now, but I haven’t, even though I do things the way I’m supposed to.

dr West replies: This is an opportunity to reflect on your approach to dating. Even if you know a lot about sex, that doesn’t mean people can’t ignore your approach or how you interact with them. Think about what kind of resources you are consuming. If they’re all male-made, try exploring material made by women or queer/nonbinary people for a broader perspective. Some online content may be misogynistic if created by “pickup artists”. These people offer “dating advice,” which is in fact often emotional manipulation. The misogyny isn’t obvious, but it’s there.

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