Dear Mary, my husband's holiday affair has ruined our marriage and I am concerned that he has given me an STD

Dear Mary, my husband’s holiday affair has ruined our marriage and I am concerned that he has given me an STD

My husband and I have been together for 35 years. About a month ago he went to Spain with the boys for a week’s holiday in the sun. When he came back he told me all about the holiday. It was late when he got back so we went to bed and had sex.

The next day I unpacked his suitcase and to my shock I found two unopened condoms. We don’t use condoms during sex so you can see why I was shocked. I confronted my husband about my findings when he got home and he denied knowing anything about it.

A few days later he got a sore throat and nothing from the pharmacy helped. Then he got flu-like symptoms. I did Covid-19 tests and they were clear. Now we are almost four weeks away from his sun holiday and he is still sick with these symptoms and nothing seems to be working.

I confronted him with the possibility that he might have contracted an STD, which of course he denies. My husband has never had a problem with his throat and if he caught the flu it would usually go away with the usual medication. But not this time.

He has become very calm within himself. We’ve only had sex once since he got back from vacation. To be on the safe side, I have booked an appointment with my family doctor and will be tested for sexually transmitted diseases if he has inherited anything from me. I’m usually a very good judge of character, and my gut tells me he’s slept with another woman.

I am heartbroken because even though we have been together for 35 years, I know I will break up with this marriage as I could never trust him again. I think I know every test I’ve taken will be positive as he can’t even look me in the eye. I would be very grateful if you could please reply to this letter as I have not told anyone what is going on, not even our adult children. This holiday destroyed our marriage.

Maria answers: One of my very first clients as a relationship counselor was a couple where the husband had contracted an STD and passed it on to his wife. Since it was a recurring STD, she was constantly reminded of his infidelity and their relationship certainly suffered as a result. So I totally understand your hurt, shock and disappointment at the likelihood that your husband has had sex with someone else and contracted something.

But when in doubt, we have to agree with him. One of the “guys” might have found it funny to put condoms in your husband’s suitcase and get him in trouble. Or he may have bought condoms in case he was tempted but decided against it.

I keep coming back to the fact that there were condoms in his suitcase and if he put them there he must have known you might spot them. But that doesn’t make sense unless he felt so guilty that he wanted you to find her. There are also the inexplicable symptoms, so I can understand why you are so suspicious.

Only your husband knows what really happened, but whatever happened, I urge you to think carefully before breaking away from the marriage for any transgression. Even if he did, I think your husband deserved a second chance, and if the roles were reversed, I’m sure you’d be hoping for that.

video of the day

They’ve had over three decades of memories, children and undoubtedly happy times and it would be a shame to ruin it all. You would of course need to have relationship counseling where all of this could be explored in a non-judgmental and unbiased way, and you would both be given an opportunity to talk about your feelings about the relationship in general.

They would then work to restore your confidence and that is where you will have the most trouble because there is no quick fix. Above all, time helps the most.

Since you would normally discuss problems with your husband, it must be difficult for you to feel so alone in this dilemma and of course you don’t want to talk about it with your children, so I’m glad you wrote to me. I hope your test results come back negative, but even if they don’t, with a little work, you can get through this together.

#Dear #Mary #husbands #holiday #affair #ruined #marriage #concerned #STD

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *